Condemned

Condemned if I do and condemned if I don’t, this is the way I feel.  And to be honest I am sick and tired of it.  It seems like my life sucks, if not for my wife and family, why should I take up space.  

This sums it up nicely, read Psalms 88:1-18,

“O Lord, God of my salvation,

I have cried out day and night before You.

Let my prayer come before You;

Incline Your ear to my cry.

For my soul is full of troubles,

And my life draws near to the grave.

I am counted with those who go down to the pit;

I am like a man who has no strength,

Adrift among the dead,

Like the slain who lie in the grave,

Whom You remember no more,

And who are cut off from Your hand.

You have laid me in the lowest pit,

In darkness, in the depths.

Your wrath lies heavy upon me,

And You have afflicted me with all Your waves. Selah

You have put away my acquaintances far from me;

You have made me an abomination to them;

I am shut up, and I cannot get out;

My eye wastes away because of affliction.

Lord, I have called daily upon You;

I have stretched out my hands to You.

Will You work wonders for the dead?

Shall the dead arise and praise You? Selah

Shall Your lovingkindness be declared in the grave?

Or Your faithfulness in the place of destruction?

Shall Your wonders be known in the dark?

And Your righteousness in the land of forgetfulness?

But to You I have cried out, O Lord,

And in the morning my prayer comes before You.

Lord, why do You cast off my soul?

Why do You hide Your face from me?

I have been afflicted and ready to die from my youth;

I suffer Your terrors;

I am distraught.

Your fierce wrath has gone over me;

Your terrors have cut me off.

They came around me all day long like water;

They engulfed me altogether.

Loved one and friend You have put far from me,

And my acquaintances into darkness.”

I think I feel something like Job did when he cursed the day he was born.  I have struggled all my life with illnesses, psychological and emotional problems and am still plagued with many of them.  I have prayed for these many times but God is not listening, if somehow He would only take notice like He used to.  And please if you read this, I don’t need any so called friends like Job had, they are easy to find.  I know I have sinned but I have also repented and confessed and asked for forgiveness and I know what 1 John 1:9 says, so please don’t hound me with that or any other foolish arguments.  

If you remember the story about King Hezekiah and how he became like an animal, eating grass like them, also losing his kingship for a period of time; maybe that is my lot also.  So laugh if you must, life goes on, but just like Job I can say this, even if He slays me I will still praise Him.

Something to think about!  May you have a super day and may the good Lord bless you and yours!!  PS don’t forget to thank and praise the Lord for He is worthy!!